ok..I knowhe's almost 6 months old, but do ya' wanna see some pictures?

Here are my baby boys! Proud Max with his baby LeoJohn!

So, here he is , Baby LeoJohn all 10 lbs. of him! Kinda looked like a linebacker, well, still does look like a linebacker! As, a matter of fact, Nina, (as my acting Doula and friend and boss-complex, I know!) said as soon as he came out, "Oh geez, he is atleast 11 lbs.!" No FREAKIN" way!! He wasn't, he was a perfect 10! I had the BEST birth team possible, you see them below here!

Here (<-) is proud daddy Zac, with my best friend and "training doula", Ari and a fresh outta the womb baby in my arms! Below, is me with my FAVORITE doctor in the world, Dr. Deb Enegess. Honestly, she is just a fantastic, honest, nuturing woman and it was my pleasure to have her deliver my baby boy! I was so sad to learn that she would no longer be practcing ob, strictly gyno-sad for anyone that may have had the true blessing of having her be a part of their pre-natal and birth experience! Great for her, more time with her young family! My heart belongs to Dr.Deb! Zac was wonderful, but it was having Nina and Ari there, that took a good bit of pressure of Zac! if I needed counter pressure on my lower back, he didn't need to find it, I had 2 women who were on the job! It truly felt like the way birth should be, having women who have experience birth themselves, there to provide me with support, provide me with ANYTHING that I needed, and surrounding me with the love and care that every birthing mother deserves! Dr. Deb Enegess and Me

Daddy and Me-clearly before 4 cm! Look at that smile on my face!

My "Birth team"-Ari, Me, Nina

Wow...I guess those of you that thought it might be fun to follow this blog, well...um, well I'm sorry. This has been the craziest 6 months my life has seen in a while! I feel like I am just barely stepping out of "the fog" Baby-man was finally born on the 23rd of Feb. LeoJohn McGuire Mudd-10 lbs 1 oz. 22 inches and just as beautiful as his brother, let me show you a picture from birth. Um, not like placenta shots or anything, sorry I should claryify. Baby man birthday pics. It was a special day, but shame on me and my expectations! I have learned, if you have expectations, you will be disapointed. Allow the freedom of what will be guide you, let go of expectations and live in the moment! This should have been my mantra over the past 6 months...this baby wasn't quite what I expected.

I assumed, that our DNA just made gorgeous, sweet, low maintence, mellow babies that didn't cry. Well, Max didn't cry, and again I assumed that was because I was an incredible Mother who knew my child's needs before he knew he needed it, he slept because of "me", so on and so forth! Let us NOT forget what I do for a living, I run a Maternal Wellness Center, where I swaddle babies, I teach Mom's how to calm and connect with their babies, I help "sleep train" babies, I teach breastfeeding classses...none of that knowledge kept this baby from KICKING my ass! This baby came out sweet, gorgeous, blond and sleepy! We thought that first 2 weeks that we were in for a repeat performance with this new baby! He was going to be JUST like Max, unbelievable that we would be graced like this again!...but as many of you second time Moms know, they wake UP! I think that first 2 weeks is Mother Nature slowing breaking you into reality, and allowing for recuperation after the marathon that was birth! But, boy, this baby WOKE UP! He woke up with a 'tude, he was colic-y, and reflux-y and just didn't feel well and he was going to tell everyone whether or not they were listening! He was a real shock to the system, for all of us! My sweet Max, scooped up a stutter, Zac and I were at each other's throats, the dog was going grey, I cried pretty much everytime LeoJohn cried and it was

U-G-L-Y! The sleep deprivation makes everything worse, but beyond the crying and the 2-3 hour screaming jags, he wasn't that bad! It turns out, I was making him feel sick. I never had an issue with dairy and Max, but it was the first thing I cut out! Dairy-free got rid of the ecema, but not the crying! I guess I forgot about the 8-12 ounces of formula...those would have to be dairy-free too! So, essentially I was aiding to the gut issue the whole time! Once we were settled in terms of what I could eat while nursing and the proper formula, he should have been better. It wasn't until my doc said he had a burned throat from all the refluxing he was doing, that we truly figured it out! I will be honest, with the experience I had with Max, I didn't believe in medicating these babies for "reflux", once LeoJon arrived I was taught about way more than just reflux medication! This was an experince that i lovingly refer to as "Survival", me, him, the baby, the boy-whatever happened I just knew we all had to survive, the joy would come, but to make it out of "the fog" we had to survive!

**side note, I wouldn't be blogging if we didn't survive! ; )

"Expressing Motherhood"

Hi there again,
Yup, it's been at least 2 weeks if not longer since I last posted something..sorry, keeping up will be my struggle! Well, let's be honest I'd rather write something with substance then chatter on about nothing. So, that was the build-up for the following "substance"...
If you haven't yet heard about "Expressing Motherhood", please check out the website. www.expressingmotherhood.com It is a stage show, very similar to "The Vagina Monologues", in ideology, where it is a traveling show put on in different cities with a different cast in each stop. The stories are real, the Moms are local and the show has been quite a hit in LA, Chicago, NY and AZ, now making their way to the "North Country" of Boston, MA! So, one of "my mommas" from NiNi Bambini was the Boston producers college roommate. When she realized she was coming to Boston, she called this Momma and asked where she could reach out to local Moms with a story? She immediately said, "I have a whole collections of Moms within arms reach that I am sure would be interested!", thank-you NiNi Bambini! After checking out the shows' concept, I figured I might try to submit a script. (NOTE: I am NOT a writer, but the stage is my HOME!) Some of you might be familiar with the idea that I LOVE to tell a story, and the idea of telling a story that is important to me, to an audience of other Moms is right up my alley! It took me 3 weeks to write, and when I submitted it, I got an email back within hours that came from the director, saying she was interested in my script, but it had to be a little more singularly focused...she said she found the first part of my story, which revolved around conception sex and trying to have a baby, very good...so could I extrapolate on the conception sex part?! OK, for those of you that don't know, Zac and I struggled to conceive. And honestly the idea of creating humor around our sex life (not the hard part), while trying to conceive and then sprinkle in the poignant and heart breaking element of multiple miscarriages...kinda tough. I could do this, right? Even though I am not a writer, I am an actress, whatever I wrote I knew I could make it funny, that all comes with the delivery and the ability to believe what I was trying to explain. I LOVE to make people laugh, that is what I think I was made for, but this topic is almost off limits, right? What if there is someone that can't yet find humor in their struggle? I didn't want to make a mockery of infertility, but I want people to see, you can come out on the other end and still laugh, and find strength in the journey and even appreciate the struggle for what it can give back to you, and what it can teach you about your relationship and certainly about your sex life! I don't know, I feel like I wrote it super fast but I had it submitted by the deadline, and who knows maybe that director has an open sense of humor, and an interest in allowing people to see vulnerability mixed with grotesque sex talk and the fight to create a family. Maybe I will post it next...you all know how I feel about feedback, right? I love it, as long as it loves me! Kidding, be honest an open or people like me won't grow! Thanks for reading! xoxo ~MWAH~

Jan. 1st, 2010

So, this was my first try at blogging on a different site....editting it to this new blog!

Written, Jan. 1, 2010:

I can't beleive I am sitting here, Jan 1, 2010, rubbing my pregnant belly sitting next to a lil' dude watching "Horton hears a Who"...How the heck did we get here? This si offically myt first entry and I have been waiting to post something that doesn't read like verbal vomit. Being 8 mos pregnant and trying to collect my thoughts into something readable has kinda been a challenge.

We spent New Years Eve, (as well as my husband's 30th) with friends at their Annual Surf-n-Turf Christmas Tree Bonfire. This was our 5th year celebrating with them, and it was Bobby who said, "Can you believe the first year you guys were here, you got cocked and you were definetly NOT pregnant! The following year you came, you were pregnant with Max and scaredc to have a toast of champagne at midnight"....folow up the next year with a 7 mo. old and all the anxieties that go with having your first baby out past any reasonable hour, while shushing him to sleep on the playroom floor! The next year we had champagne and toasted at about 9:30, surely ready to head home to a nice cozy bed and a "reasonable bedtime" for a 19 mo. old. This year was a totally different experience all together. Max took a late nap so he could enjoy the crazy kids we were going to celebrate with. He LOVES big kids! (grant you thinks he is a big kid) He loved playing with their bunny, checking out their hamster and trying to impress them with his 2 1/2 old wit and humor. He went sledding in the dark under the light of the 'blue moon', he watched them torch their Christmas tree in a bonfire of wooden palettes and cardboard boxes and he ate more snow then I ever imagined fitting in his tummy! All the while I sat (in my own pregnant glory) devouring the spread of cheese, dips and veggies, chugging down my 5th liter of H2O, waiting patiently for the steak tips to come off the grill! What a night, a great night to reflect on a whole years worth of experiences.

I am awed by the events of 2009; from a pregnancy loss to the pregnancy we are almost done with, to the enjoyment I gain from watching my beautiful son experience the world around him. To the job that fulfills my need to "help", to my husbands incredible desire to change his shape and his sense of self, the loss of one of our sweet family dogs, and even a new car to add to the fleet! Whoof, what a year!!

I can't imagine the fun this next year will bring and all the memories we will surely reflect on while noshing on lobster tails and steak tips with a lil' baby to add to the crazy clan...(NOTE: next year I WILL be imbibing!!)

OK, maybe this isn't the best picture, but I am struggling to find a cute pregnant Mom & Max pic. I know, hard to believe I can't find a picture I like, 81/2 mos. pregnant! (heehee) o, here we are ready to greet our second son, after a good struggle to build our family! The first one was well worth the wait and the fight to get him in our lives, and I suppose hindsight I probably wouldn't change the path we had to take to get here. After multiple miscarriages, I feel like our family might just be complete...doesn't every Mommy say that at the end of their pregnancy? I had a friend mention to me the other day, "You know everyone is gonna ask you when you'll try for a girl cuz you have 2 boys...just be ready!" FOR REAL?! I have hemmoroids the size of walnuts in my a@#, my crotch hurts like I never imagined possible, and I can't imagine turning down one more sexual advance from my husband...but I should tell you when we plan to try for a GIRL?!? Get a grip people...I am a BIG proponent of celebrating every lil' step of success we acheive, but we haven't even crossed the finish line yet!! So, let us welcome this kid, before you ask when we'll try for our girl, eh?