"Expressing Motherhood"

Hi there again,
Yup, it's been at least 2 weeks if not longer since I last posted something..sorry, keeping up will be my struggle! Well, let's be honest I'd rather write something with substance then chatter on about nothing. So, that was the build-up for the following "substance"...
If you haven't yet heard about "Expressing Motherhood", please check out the website. www.expressingmotherhood.com It is a stage show, very similar to "The Vagina Monologues", in ideology, where it is a traveling show put on in different cities with a different cast in each stop. The stories are real, the Moms are local and the show has been quite a hit in LA, Chicago, NY and AZ, now making their way to the "North Country" of Boston, MA! So, one of "my mommas" from NiNi Bambini was the Boston producers college roommate. When she realized she was coming to Boston, she called this Momma and asked where she could reach out to local Moms with a story? She immediately said, "I have a whole collections of Moms within arms reach that I am sure would be interested!", thank-you NiNi Bambini! After checking out the shows' concept, I figured I might try to submit a script. (NOTE: I am NOT a writer, but the stage is my HOME!) Some of you might be familiar with the idea that I LOVE to tell a story, and the idea of telling a story that is important to me, to an audience of other Moms is right up my alley! It took me 3 weeks to write, and when I submitted it, I got an email back within hours that came from the director, saying she was interested in my script, but it had to be a little more singularly focused...she said she found the first part of my story, which revolved around conception sex and trying to have a baby, very good...so could I extrapolate on the conception sex part?! OK, for those of you that don't know, Zac and I struggled to conceive. And honestly the idea of creating humor around our sex life (not the hard part), while trying to conceive and then sprinkle in the poignant and heart breaking element of multiple miscarriages...kinda tough. I could do this, right? Even though I am not a writer, I am an actress, whatever I wrote I knew I could make it funny, that all comes with the delivery and the ability to believe what I was trying to explain. I LOVE to make people laugh, that is what I think I was made for, but this topic is almost off limits, right? What if there is someone that can't yet find humor in their struggle? I didn't want to make a mockery of infertility, but I want people to see, you can come out on the other end and still laugh, and find strength in the journey and even appreciate the struggle for what it can give back to you, and what it can teach you about your relationship and certainly about your sex life! I don't know, I feel like I wrote it super fast but I had it submitted by the deadline, and who knows maybe that director has an open sense of humor, and an interest in allowing people to see vulnerability mixed with grotesque sex talk and the fight to create a family. Maybe I will post it next...you all know how I feel about feedback, right? I love it, as long as it loves me! Kidding, be honest an open or people like me won't grow! Thanks for reading! xoxo ~MWAH~

Jan. 1st, 2010

So, this was my first try at blogging on a different site....editting it to this new blog!

Written, Jan. 1, 2010:

I can't beleive I am sitting here, Jan 1, 2010, rubbing my pregnant belly sitting next to a lil' dude watching "Horton hears a Who"...How the heck did we get here? This si offically myt first entry and I have been waiting to post something that doesn't read like verbal vomit. Being 8 mos pregnant and trying to collect my thoughts into something readable has kinda been a challenge.

We spent New Years Eve, (as well as my husband's 30th) with friends at their Annual Surf-n-Turf Christmas Tree Bonfire. This was our 5th year celebrating with them, and it was Bobby who said, "Can you believe the first year you guys were here, you got cocked and you were definetly NOT pregnant! The following year you came, you were pregnant with Max and scaredc to have a toast of champagne at midnight"....folow up the next year with a 7 mo. old and all the anxieties that go with having your first baby out past any reasonable hour, while shushing him to sleep on the playroom floor! The next year we had champagne and toasted at about 9:30, surely ready to head home to a nice cozy bed and a "reasonable bedtime" for a 19 mo. old. This year was a totally different experience all together. Max took a late nap so he could enjoy the crazy kids we were going to celebrate with. He LOVES big kids! (grant you thinks he is a big kid) He loved playing with their bunny, checking out their hamster and trying to impress them with his 2 1/2 old wit and humor. He went sledding in the dark under the light of the 'blue moon', he watched them torch their Christmas tree in a bonfire of wooden palettes and cardboard boxes and he ate more snow then I ever imagined fitting in his tummy! All the while I sat (in my own pregnant glory) devouring the spread of cheese, dips and veggies, chugging down my 5th liter of H2O, waiting patiently for the steak tips to come off the grill! What a night, a great night to reflect on a whole years worth of experiences.

I am awed by the events of 2009; from a pregnancy loss to the pregnancy we are almost done with, to the enjoyment I gain from watching my beautiful son experience the world around him. To the job that fulfills my need to "help", to my husbands incredible desire to change his shape and his sense of self, the loss of one of our sweet family dogs, and even a new car to add to the fleet! Whoof, what a year!!

I can't imagine the fun this next year will bring and all the memories we will surely reflect on while noshing on lobster tails and steak tips with a lil' baby to add to the crazy clan...(NOTE: next year I WILL be imbibing!!)

OK, maybe this isn't the best picture, but I am struggling to find a cute pregnant Mom & Max pic. I know, hard to believe I can't find a picture I like, 81/2 mos. pregnant! (heehee) o, here we are ready to greet our second son, after a good struggle to build our family! The first one was well worth the wait and the fight to get him in our lives, and I suppose hindsight I probably wouldn't change the path we had to take to get here. After multiple miscarriages, I feel like our family might just be complete...doesn't every Mommy say that at the end of their pregnancy? I had a friend mention to me the other day, "You know everyone is gonna ask you when you'll try for a girl cuz you have 2 boys...just be ready!" FOR REAL?! I have hemmoroids the size of walnuts in my a@#, my crotch hurts like I never imagined possible, and I can't imagine turning down one more sexual advance from my husband...but I should tell you when we plan to try for a GIRL?!? Get a grip people...I am a BIG proponent of celebrating every lil' step of success we acheive, but we haven't even crossed the finish line yet!! So, let us welcome this kid, before you ask when we'll try for our girl, eh?